Blood and Testosterone: A Tale of Triumph

By April 21, 2017Exercise

The Needle and the Damage Undone

I do drugs now. In fact, I’ve had a relationship with drugs for a long time. Years before I became the man before you today, my mother and one of my paternal uncles were addicted to crack. My mother managed to quit. In addition to that, I’ve had other relatives battle with alcoholism. They were not successful in that battle.

Years back, I smoked marijuana. I also did cocaine. And in an effort to see what the fuss was, I smoked crack and methamphetamine. Coke is awesome, so much so that stopping was the only thing that made sense, from a health and financial standpoint. Crack was awful. And now, if I want, I can get legal amphetamines from a doctor, in the form of Adderall or something similar.

With the exception of marijuana, I don’t do anything else anymore. I’ve been off the harder stuff for well over a decade now. Now, my drug cocktail consists of the following:

  • reefer five to seven times a week
  • one cubic centimeter of testosterone cypionate injected into my ass cheek twice a week

Before I delve into “why” I am doing this, I think we need to have a discussion about exogenous testosterone itself. The questions that usually come up have to do with anabolic steroids, fertility, “roid rage,” and similar things.

So, am I on steroids? Testosterone can be used as an anabolic steroid or a performance enhancer. However, the doses needed for it to fall into that category push your levels above the normal range. The normal range for adult males is 280-1100 nanograms per deciliter (ng/dL). So a performance enhancing level shoots you past that. Testosterone replacement therapy doses will put a man into normal levels—in our case 280-1100 ng/dL.

In addition to that, steroids are often obtained in ways that might circumvent various legalities, or in outright illegal ways. I will elaborate on this later, but the answer is that I am not on steroids.

Several Weeks Ago in a Subtropical Climate not so Far Away

Prior to my revelation, a man I consider a friend (who no longer considers me as such) slammed my dietary choices. If you don’t know, I track my intake by way of making sure my foods hit my various macronutrient targets, aka IIFYM (if it fits your macros).

The argument centered on what we push for our clients and friends and ourselves to eat. The consensus from most people, my friend included, is that it’s a face stuffing, free for all, food fucking orgy, rife with Pop-Tarts®, and every other decadent food item flooding your olfactory senses.

And that just isn’t true.

However, my friend wasn’t giving bad advice. It happens to be different advice. Most of the time, we agree on everything else. And if you ever want to compete in powerlifting, you should hire him as a coach.

We got around to talking blood work. I said my blood work would be flawless. He said he would like to see that. In the most Slytherin action I have taken, I booked a blood test for that Friday to prove him wrong.

Sanguis Meum

I went to the doctor that Friday and they drew four vials of blood. As it happens, I wasn’t using it as collateral for a loan, it was all getting tested for the important shit. Cholesterol, triglycerides, liver enzymes, estrogen, testosterone, and all that good stuff.

For the ritual, I ate nothing the night or morning before, so as to ensure it was executed with the utmost precision. After that, I waited.

The following Tuesday, the results came back. Everything was flawless, as far as my dietary markers. Cholesterol was 152, triglycerides were 62, glucose was 84, red and white blood cells, hematocrit, and all that stuff was great. However, my testosterone was well below the normal range and my estrogen was above the normal range.

I was walking around with the levels of a 70-year-old man. As of now, I am not 70. So this is not good. That being the case, the doctor prescribed me a regimen of testosterone replacement therapy. This includes the twice-weekly testosterone injections, as well as an anti-estrogen pill to keep my estrogen from rising, to prevent a gross imbalance, as well as Robert Paulson “bitch tits,” which is medically called gynecomastia.

So there we are. My diet is fine (there are studies that corroborate this as well) but I uncovered a serious medical condition.

At first, I had a lot of doubts.

“Am I cheating?”

“Am I less of a man?”

When I talked it over with my coach, I told him I wasn’t experiencing any symptoms, despite the reading. My sex life was good, I was training hard six days a week, and sleeping well.

His response was, “you are feeling them, dumbass. You just don’t know it.”

Krahn was right, and I knew it. Without any doubts, I know it now.

Current Testosterone Replacement Therapy Status

I soon realized that I was, in fact, not less of a man. I had a legitimate medical condition, and I needed to be where I should be. It’s not cheating. If I ever compete in a sport, it could be an issue, but I don’t plan to. And I wouldn’t lie about my testosterone replacement therapy to circumvent any rules, should that day come.

There are also lots of perks, now. While my sex life was great, it’s even better now. My erections have reached God-like status. Sex is even more plentiful now than it was before.

My mental status has changed, too. I don’t get as uptight as I used to get about dumb shit. I have better cognitive function, which keeps me up at night and makes me generally more creative and productive. Balanced with a daytime nap, I feel fucking amazing. Like Krahn said, I just wasn’t aware of the symptoms. My testicles have gotten smaller, but that’s a good trade-off, in my opinion.

For all you men reading this (and women who have men in their lives you give a shit about), get your levels checked. Testosterone is the single most important hormone for your manhood. More specifically, it is integral for proper functioning as a biological male. No, this isn’t some hyper-masculine bullshit, either. I couldn’t be more thankful for the argument between my friend and me.

Your sex drive, your ambition, your mental health, and even your body composition depend on having your testosterone at the right levels. At the very least, have a discussion with a doctor about testosterone replacement therapy. So if you’re finding it hard to lose fat, get shit done, or get your dick hard to fuck someone, get your levels checked and reclaim your manhood.

If you liked that, join the family. We’ll talk doughnuts, comics, and Supernatural.

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5. Layne Norton, PhD. breaks down these studies:
6. My friend’s website:

About Peter Baker

In addition to being a fan of music and heavy metal, I am an avid player of table top RPGs, and I am a personal trainer in Tampa, FL as well as a graduate of the prestigious University of South Florida. Formerly, I was a prefect for House Slytherin.

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